Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
