in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Damn victory sex feels great
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
