the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
