look no pants
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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