I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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