don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
