"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
