u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
