he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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