Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
