NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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