im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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