Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
