my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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