Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
