The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
