First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have already put on my inside pants.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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