I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
