im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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