The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
