miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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