I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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