He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
