So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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