there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
