I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I could fuck to npr.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
