It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
