8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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