someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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