HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
