One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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