sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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