one might say we're banned from that church
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
