He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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