I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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