u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
