I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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