Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
