The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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