dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
