There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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