Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
