There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
