threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I believe in your delicious
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
