Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
