I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
