Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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