After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
