hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's never too late to be topless.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
