I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
