u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
